The Laugh Thread

[autocoupler]

:laugh2: boom boom

[gnome]

My thoughts exactly

[JeffH]

Her's one for uni;
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

I know 10 facts about you:
Fact 1: You are reading this.
Fact 2: You can't say the letter 'm' without touching your lips.
Fact 3: You just tried it.
Fact 4: You're smiling.
Fact 6: You're smiling or laughing again.
Fact 7: You didn't notice I missed fact 5.
Fact 8: You just checked it.
Fact 9: You're smiling again.
Fact 10: You like this and you're going to comment.

I was in in the public toilet
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice in the next stall:
"Hi, how are you?"
Me: (embarrassed) "Doin' fine!"
Stall: "So what are you up to?"
Me: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here."
Stall: "Can I come over?"
Me: (attitude) "No, I'm a little busy right now!!"
Stall: "Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, 'This is your lucky night. I've got a special game for you. I'll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words.'
The guy replies, 'Hey, why not?' He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300 on the bar, and says slowly. 'Paint...my....house.'

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: Love it Jeff!

[gnome]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus.
Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1955.
Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
Done that!
2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail!
That too!
3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.
Yep!
4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.
Aha!
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.
Well well!
6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.
Oh, no not again!
7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."
And I just hate that!
8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."
Oh No!

IT'S CALLED THE....... "C-NILE VIRUS."

[JeffH]

The version in my processing system concentrates on symptom #5!

[Triggersmob]

Maybe you should make that 1958, not 1955.

[JeffH]

Now let me guess when you were born.

[ausjack]

Ah this is all over my head..I must be too young

[JeffH]

Two fonts walked into a bar...

The barman said "Get out, we don't want your type in here".

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: Oh Jeff ..... it's rubbing off .....

Just think if it was an old western bar and it refused to leave then they'd have to call the Serif!

[JeffH]

Now, why did I think you might pick up on that one.

And the serif would threaten them with a bullet point if they still refused.

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: .... We were bound to end up here!

[gnome]

I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a muscle
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
'Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. '
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' said the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's cross-eyed?'
'No, because he's really heavy'
Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.'
'How's that?'
'Don't you start.'
Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night

[ausjack]

:laugh2: