The Laugh Thread

[JeffH]

Mine too. :imwithstupid:

[Pedro]

Oops, I think I qualified as well but in my defence it's hard to read the post without using the mouse to scroll down.

Anyhow, just out of interest, I would like to know how low my IQ is?

Pedro

[ausjack]

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: thanks team I needed a good laugh

[triplewitch]

Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes for 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box..gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

[Triggersmob]

Women that carry a few extra kilos, live longer than men who dare to mention it.

[triplewitch]

Bob has gone missing.

[Basil]

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."  

Lynn Lavner

 


 

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."       Camille Paglia


 
 

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."  


 

George Burns  


 

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."   Sharon Stone  


 
 

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."

Tiger Woods  


 
 

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."


 

Jack Nicholson


 

"   Clinton   lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."    


 

Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)      



 

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."


 

Robin Williams  


 
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place"    


 

Billy Crystal  


 

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."


 

Robert De Niro


 

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"


 

Dustin Hoffman  


 

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"


 

Jerry Seinfeld  


 

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

 

Robin Williams  


 

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."  


 

Joan Rivers


Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy.  

Steve Martin  



You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-..aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Emo Phillips



" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde  



" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

[Triggersmob]

The most common method of sex, is the doggy style.
The man sits up and begs.
The woman rolls over and plays dead.

[autocoupler]

:laugh2::laugh2: good one trigger

[Basil]

[ausjack]

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: not bad Basil, not bad at all mate

[Basil]

Thanks AJ,its from a Computer Club magazine but while its not side splitting its clever for those who remember the early days of Windows.

[Basil]

Subject: FW: Wonderfully British..

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy.  You set yourselves apart too much.  You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.  Look at me... I'm me!  I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood.   What do you say to that?"
 
The Englishman lowered his newspaper, looks over his glasses and replied, "How very sporting of your mother!"

[JeffH]

I had my coathangers spayed.

I got a chain letter by FAX. It's very simple. You just FAX a five dollar bill to everybody on the list.

I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

I installed a skylight in my apartment.... The people who live above me are furious!

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

Every so often, I like to stick my head out the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

[JeffH]

Q. What do you do if attacked by a mob of feral clowns and you are fighting for your life?





















A. Go for the juggler!