The Laugh Thread

[Robster]

"Always love a woman for her personality- they have like 10, so you can choose.!! :angel:

[ausjack]

:laugh2: you lot are really gonna get me in trouble one day but just glad I can make a smile from time to time
I couldn't help but to put this one in sorry so please don't shoot the messenger :angel:

A Drover appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
'Well, I can think of one thing,' the Stockman offered.

'On a trip out the back of Longreach in Western Queensland, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I asked them very nicely to leave her alone, but the mongrels wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked him in the arse, knocked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

Then I yelled, 'Now, back off you bastards or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'About a couple of minutes ago'.
A man is seeking to join the Australian Federal Police force

The Sergeant doing the interview says: "Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted."
 
Then, sliding a pistol across the desk, he says:  "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers and a rabbit."
 
The man says, "Why the rabbit?"
 
"Great attitude," says the Sergeant. "When can you start?"

[Goldseeker]

Love them Aj, haven't heard them before.

[ausjack]

Hopefully Kim might get a little chuckle from them as well

[JeffH]

AJ's previous brought to mind the  Darwin Awards.
In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species' chances of long-term survival.

[Pedro]

:laughingneqw:  Some great stuff there AJ!

Pedro

[ausjack]

I don't mind this add for dunny paper and proves technology isn't all it's CRACKed up to be
http://www.youtube.com/embed/V_gOZDWQj3Q?rel=0

[ausjack]

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel,
found him, resting on the seventh  

He inquired,  --- "Where have you been?"

God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
----  "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said,   ---- "What is it?"

"It's a planet,"  --- replied God,   --- and I've put life on it.  I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance.'"

"Balance?" ---   inquired Michael, ---- "I'm still confused."

God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people.
Balance in all things..."

God continued pointing to different countries.  ---  "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said,   ---  "What's that one?"

"That's Perth , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river, and days filled with sunshine. The people from Perth are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and  humorous, and they are going to travel the world.
They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked,   ---  "But what about balance, God?   You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled,  --- "I will create Canberra

Wait till you see the idiots I'll put there."...............

[Pedro]

As an ex-Canberran I resemble that remark  :laugh2:

I'm waiting until RG sees it! :biggrin:

Pedro

[JeffH]

My guess is that joke originated in Perth. Am I right or am I right?

[Triggersmob]

As a Perthite, I can only agree with that.
Now if we could only afford to live here.

[ausjack]

:laugh2: don't know where it come from sorry but I was waiting for a few canbarrian's comments but quiet on the home front so far but WW3 might erupt any minute now and it wasn't my fault :blush2:

[ausjack]

:laugh2: well this cracked me up and I think this really suits me Must go see what else Sam's have as most stuff is half price as they are closing down here so there goes another shop and jobs and a place where you could get the odd thing that was good and cheap so now it's back to the dearer shop

[Nevol]

AJ, when you say Sam's, is that Sam's Warehouse?

[ausjack]

Yeah mate, and before that it was crazy clarks.