The Laugh Thread

[Nevol]

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

" Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those crazy things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks – but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. 


He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: ....... that is brilliant Nevol!

[JeffH]

McDonalds is rebranding in Oz to be seen as more Australian and less American. You heard it here first.

"Will you want chips with that?"

[gweidion]

McDonalds is rebranding in Oz to be seen as more Australian and less American. You heard it here first.

"Will you want chips with that?"

About time. I don't go all that often but if they ask me if I want fries with that I always say you mean chips?

[Nevol]

[keldaw]

we had one like that when we were kids , but we only had and old cane chair and my dad cut every 2nd bit of the seat part and in Blackall we had bore water and could use at much as we liked to

[JeffH]

[video=facebook]https://www.facebook.com/galileo.wijanarko/videos/2651257638427570/[/video]

[humpybong]

A British doctor say's that in Britain, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put in another man and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job
 
 
The German doctor say's we took part of a man's brain , put it in another man, and in 4 weeks he is looking for a job
 
The Russian doctor say's we took half a heart from a man , put it in another's  chest and in 2 week's he is looking for a job 
 
The American doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A few months ago we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President".
 
Now , the whole country is looking  for a job !

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: Both absolutely brilliant .... I needed a smile ..... thanks Jeff and Barry!

[Nevol]

Senior Sex -- This is the funniest thing I have ever read .......

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. 

I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. 

This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. 

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
 

 
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

[Goldseeker]

^^^ Good one.   ^^^

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: Touché Nevol!!!!

[Pedro]

:laugh2: to all.

Pedro

[JeffH]

Four years ago I took this photo on a visit to the Barringer Meteor (correctly meteorite) Crater.


Today some wag posted this on Facebook.

Wow. missed me by this much! :shock:
Well worth the detour (9km from Route 66) if you are ever going that way. And the best souvenir shop I have seen -not mostly full of cheap novelties and overpriced junk but quality items that relate to the site. And a bistro where you can get a decent meal at a reasonable price.

[JeffH]