The Laugh Thread

[Nevol]

Hmmmm, Looks like I'll have to wait for all those Chicken varieties to appear on Aussie Coins.

C'mon RAM, whatcha waiting for?

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: Some good stuff there Jeff!

[JeffH]

This was in today's paper in Peter Fitzsimmons' column in the sports section. Not meant as a funny story but a line in the middle made me burst out laughing.

Two from the blue

Last Saturday the mighty Maccabi Jewish Rugby sub district team had an away game, playing competition leaders Menai, at Menai. But listen, due to injuries and mishaps, one thing leads to another and half an hour before kick-off, the Maccabi men find that they are two short for their last match of the season. The manager approaches the Menai team. Would you have any spare players from your large squad to even things up?

Menai says they'll think about it. Nothing happens. OK, forget it.

So, with just five minutes to go before kick-off, the Maccabi lads are in a huddle at one end of the field, gathered around their captain. "Give it everything. We are up against it, but let us show them what we are made of. Tackle yourselves red raw." Then they are interrupted by some taps on the shoulder.

What now?

They look up to see two enormous Pacific Islanders, with gleaming bare torsos. Both of them, clearly, could crack walnuts in the crook of their arm just by flexing their biceps. What do they want?

''Shalom boys,'' one of them says in a thick Kiwi accent, ''we are your two new Jews.''

The Maccabi lads laugh and cheer and embark on a flurry of jersey swapping to make sure these worthies at least get the biggest jerseys they have. A new team photo is taken before kick-off and then the team, with their ''two new Jews'', run out.

The result? A game for the ages. Energised, with their two new recruits running riot, Maccabi lifts, while Menai bursts back. Maccabi lifts some more. Menai explodes. But Maccabi has their measure. Almost.

The final score, after a seesawing match which saw the crowd roar themselves hoarse: a 57-55 win to Menai. Maccabi and the two new Jews say goodbye with deep gratitude on both sides and real regret at the parting.

[Unicorn]

Oh No!!!!

https://www.news.com.au/travel/world-travel/north-america/group-of-women-rescued-by-police-after-becoming-stranded-on-a-giant-inflatable-unicorn/news-story/e1cb93d7248fba1560f8ace242017f3e

[JeffH]

A friend of yours Uni?

[Unicorn]

Yes indeed the old "blow up" Uni doll ...... I'm sure it's a throw back from Kingswood Country where Ted Bullpit said that someone should blow unicorns up! :laugh2:

[JeffH]

Oh dear. I never knew that.
I am tempted to make a disparaging remark about Kingswoods.

[Unicorn]

You're not mocking the Kingswood ...... :laugh2: .......


I liked the way they structured the point in the wikipedia page ...

• "Somebody/someone should blow [current object of annoyance] up!" e.g. "Someone should blow those nuns up!"
  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kingswood_Country

[JeffH]

I wouldn't mock the Kingswood. I do note that Ted traded it in on a Commodore late in the piece.
According to Ted, he is a descendant of Lord Stokely Bullpitt of Kingswood who died in 1786 as he fell from his horse during a nun hunt.  :laughingneqw:

[humpybong]

Neighbour SMS communications . . .

DEAR NEIGHBOR:
 Hi, George, this is Richard, next door. I've got a confession to make. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months & have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face.  At least I'm telling you in this text, & I can't live with myself a minute longer without your knowing about this. The truth is that, when you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day & night.  In fact, probably much more than you.  I haven't been getting it at home recently & I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology & forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage, & I'll pay you.
 Regards,
 Richard
 
 NEIGHBOR'S RESPONSE:
 George, feeling enraged & betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, & shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink & sat down on the sofa. George then looked at his phone & discovered a 2nd text message from Richard.
 
 2nd TEXT MESSAGE:
 Hi, George, Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out & noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife."  Technology, huh?  It'll be the death of us all.

[JeffH]

It would be funny if it wasn't so serious. I am starting to think our parliamentarians couldn't run a chook raffle in a pub -although Pauline Hanson might be capable of doing that.
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[JeffH]

Would the person who left several thousand dollars on the bus yesterday please contact me.

I have your rubber bands.

[Unicorn]

Love it Jeff!!!! :laugh2:

[Goldseeker]

Jeff, forget the rubber bands but can I have my notes back please?   Address follows.

[JeffH]

There will be a small deduction to cover the postage and the insurance.