The Laugh Thread

[Unicorn]

TESCO'S HORSE

In the UK, some supermarkets have admitted that there is horse meat intheir home cooked burgers.

 Even places like Burger King have had to admit that there are "small amounts" of horse meat in their burgers.
 Tesco is a big supermarket chain in the UK  Within hours of the news that Tesco's 'all beef hamburgers'  contained
 30% horse meat, these quips hit the Internet

 "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse.... I guess Tesco just listened!

 Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?

 Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.

 Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger. So I had £5 each way!

 Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night ...
 I still have a bit between my teeth.

 A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco.
 Her condition is said to be stable.

 Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn

 "I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... AND THEY'RE OFF!"

 Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers
 confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.

 Said to the missus, These Tesco burgers give me the trots....

 "To beef or not to beef, that is equestrian".....

 A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?"
 Cow says "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!"

 I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.

 These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit....Talk about flogging a dead horse.

 At first I thought, "Oh great, I've been saddled with another email to
 forward, but something spurred me on."

 Last night the wife made meatloaf, so I had dinner with two nags.

 Since they're selling the meat wrapped in plastic, is that technically
 a "Trojan Horse?"

 Instead of choosing "rare, medium or well done, it's now Win, Place or Show"

[JeffH]

So punny, I laughed myself hoarse.

[Basil]

Yeah,....Clever

[Goldseeker]

Funnee, I liked dem.

[Pedro]

:good:

Pedro

[JeffH]

[Nevol]

John invited his mother over for dinner one evening.
During the meal, she couldn't help but notice how attractive his roommate Judy was.
She had been suspicious of a relationship between her son and his roommate for quite some time, but this only made her more curious.
She watched the two of them interact over the course of the evening and began to wonder whether there was more between John and Judy than met the eye. 

Realizing only too well what his mother was thinking, John said,
"I can see your wheels turning Mom and I know what you're thinking. Rest assured Judy and I are strictly roommates." 

A few days later, Judy went to John and said,
"You know the beautiful silver gravy ladle? Well, ever since your mother came to dinner I can't seem to find it. You don't think she would have taken it, do you?" 

"I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure," replied John. John then sat down and wrote his mother the following letter:

"Dear Mom, While I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'didn't' take a gravy ladle, the fact remains that ever since you were here for dinner one has been missing. Love, Your son." 

Several days later, John received a reply from his mother which read:
"Dear John, While I am not saying you 'do' sleep with Judy, and I'm not saying you 'don't' sleep with her, the fact remains that she would have found the gravy ladle by now if she were sleeping in her own bed. Love, Mom."

[Pedro]

:laugh2:

Pedro

[Nevol]

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.....

 The first man married a woman from the Philippines. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Brazil.
He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.
By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Scotland.
He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees.

[Triggersmob]

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2:

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: ..... Very good Nevol!

[autocoupler]

:laugh2: love it. I've heard a similar one on a more politically incorrect theme, and loved it as well  :laugh2: :laugh2:

[Nevol]

10 Fun Facts
 
1. You can't see your ears without a mirror
2. You can't count your hair
3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out
4. You just tried # 3
6. When you did #3 you realised it is possible, only you look like a dog
7. You are smiling right now, because you were fooled
8. You skipped #5
9. You just checked to see if there is no #5
10. Share this with your friends so they can have some fun too
 
Have a fantastic day! :biggrin:

[autocoupler]

Correct on every count Nevol, you got me good  :laugh2:

[Nevol]

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
 
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."

The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.

One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Just like a woman! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"