The Laugh Thread

[Goose]

Sounds familiar. When I fly home (U S) from Australia, I arrive before I left Sydney. So in essence, I'm re-living 15 hours of my life. (Please disregard that I lost 15 hours flying to Sydney)

[Basil]

Subject: Fw: The Confession

 

Hi Fred, this is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I've been feeling guilty these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you, but at least I'm telling you now in a text message as I feel bad about you not knowing.

 

The truth is I have been sharing your wife a lot lately. In fact, probably more than you. I haven't been able to get it at home recently, but that's no excuse, I know. The temptation was too much. I feel so guilty and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies. It won't happen again. Please suggest a usage fee and I'll pay you.

Regards, Alan

 


THE ACTIONS


Fred, feeling betrayed and insulted, grabbed his gun, rushed next door and shot his neighbor dead. He returned home, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa to reflect. Then he took out his phone and saw he had a second message from his neighbor:

 

 

 

SECOND MESSAGE


Hi Fred, Alan here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I guess you figured it out anyway - the damned Auto-Correct changed 'wi-fi' to 'wife.' Technology, hey?

Regards, Alan

[JeffH]

I suffer from kleptomania. When it gets bad I have to take something for it.

The pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd!
The pope leans towards Trump and says "do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be momentary but will go deep into their hearts and they'll remember this day forever."
Trump replied "I seriously doubt that! Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

[tonymac]

A Chicken was about to cross the road when a Duck ran up to him and shouted don't do it you will never hear the end of it.....:yahoo:

[Pedro]

The pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd!
The pope leans towards Trump and says "do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be momentary but will go deep into their hearts and they'll remember this day forever."
Trump replied "I seriously doubt that! Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

I think I would pay money to see that :laugh2:

Pedro

[trout]

The pope and Donald Trump are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd!
The pope leans towards Trump and says "do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be momentary but will go deep into their hearts and they'll remember this day forever."
Trump replied "I seriously doubt that! Show me!"
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage!

I think I would pay money to see that :laugh2:

Pedro

I am So going to pinch that one and post it on the CCF US elections thread :laugh2:

[keldaw]

DONATIONS
 A driver was stuck in a traffic jam in Canberra on the London Circuit.
 Nothing was moving.

 Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

 The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

 "Terrorists have kidnapped all of our MP's during a sitting of parliament,
 and they're asking for a $100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to
 douse them all in petrol and set them on fire.
 We are going from car to car collecting donations."

 "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

 The man replies, "Roughly four litres."

[JeffH]

Good one Kel.
I would be tempted to donate a can of petrol and a packet of firelighters if the CEOs of the 'big four' banks were also included!

[duggee27]

Good one Kel.
I would be tempted to donate a can of petrol and a packet of firelighters if the CEOs of the 'big four' banks were also included!

so why do banks who make money,are  answerable to a bunch of politicians who lose our money :dodgy::dodgy: not so funny

[keldaw]

removed by author .

[Basil]

Poor Kel,people have died overseas mucking around with these Tazer's,apparently can throw the heart out of sync.I thought the States were in the process banning sales to the public in Oz.

http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2010/10/05/glance-taser-use-australia

[keldaw]

very sorry basil , it was just a

joke to me .  


  ,, kel ,,

[trout]

Poor Kel,people have died overseas mucking around with these Tazer's,apparently can throw the heart out of sync.I thought the States were in the process banning sales to the public in Oz.

http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2010/10/05/glance-taser-use-australia

ANY electric shock has the potential to cause heart problems, and fooling around with electricity is stupid and dangerous.
Banning something wont stop people being Stupid, They will just find something else to be stupid with.

I for one thought that Kel's joke was really funny

[Basil]

No worries Kel,i saw it in the other Thread and wasn't quite sure what was going on.That actually happened to a couple of Teenagers up our way,they purchased it off Ebay and one ended up in Hospital.

[nealeffendi]

Poor Kel,people have died overseas mucking around with these Tazer's,apparently can throw the heart out of sync.I thought the States were in the process banning sales to the public in Oz.

http://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2010/10/05/glance-taser-use-australia

ANY electric shock has the potential to cause heart problems, and fooling around with electricity is stupid and dangerous.
Banning something wont stop people being Stupid, They will just find something else to be stupid with.

I for one thought that Kel's joke was really funny

Scary sh!t in the SBS article. 13% of the police :police_car:use of tasers in NSW was accidental discharge. So 2 or 3 times a week they fouled up their trigger control, hate to be the poor bugger near them when the Police Academy movie type fools are playing around with their toys.
At my worksite there have been 4 people electrocuted this past month and they all needed ECGs to be sure they were OK, I wonder if the people who get tasered get that same consideration? Only 5 taser related deaths in Australia so far:@
(But the joke itself was funny:))