The Laugh Thread

[ausjack]

No they don't actually eat the "special" grass :beach:

[JeffH]

Of course they do. It is baked into cookies -wise choice of music recommended to go with them.

[ausjack]

:scratch_one-s_head: gee I wouldn't know what your talking about Jeff :angel:

[JeffH]

[ausjack]

"Give it to me!" she yelled,
"I'm so bloody wet, give it to me now!"

She could scream at me all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella

[gnome]

Mike, a businessman in the first class cabin decided
to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant:
"What's your name?"
Flight Attendant:     "Angela Benz, sir"
Mike:   "Lovely name ...any relation to Mercedes Benz?"
Flight Attendant:   "Yes sir, very close"
Mike:   "How close?"
Flight Attendant:  "Same price".

[Pedro]

:laugh2:

Pedro

[Basil]

DATING IN THE 60s.* *Remember those days?*
It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960, and James had a
date with Annabella.
He arrived at her house and rang the bell...
'Oh, come on in!' Annabella's mother said as she welcomed James.
'Have a seat in the sitting room. Would you like something to drink?
Lemonade? Tea?'
'Tea, please,' James said. Mum brought the tea.
'So, what are you and Annabella planning to do tonight?' she asked
interestedly.
'Oh, probably go to the flicks,then the local Dance and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the coffee bar, perhaps have a walk on the beach afterwards.'
'Annabella likes to screw, you know,' Mum informed him.
'Really?' James gasped, surprised to say the least.
'Oh yes,' mother continued, 'When she goes out with her friends, that's
all they do!'
'Is that so?' asked James, incredulously.
'Oh yes,'she said.
'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
'Phew! Well, thanks for the tip!' James said as he began thinking about
alternative plans for the evening.
A moment later, Annabella came down the stairs looking pretty as a
picture, wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt and
with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail.
She greeted James..
'Have fun, kids!' mother said as they left.
Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Annabella burst into the
house and slammed the front door behind her.
'The Twist, Mum!' she yelled angrily to her mother in the kitchen.
'The bloody dance is called the . . .. Twist!'

[JeffH]

Two cannibals were eating a clown.
One turned to the other and said "Does this taste funny to you?".

[ausjack]

:dodgy: so now your pinchin me jokes that I pinched, not cool man, not cool at all. Post #1035 a couple of pages ago. Your just lucky I like ya or someone 'you' could have got hurt :@ :mocking: :laugh2:
Page 106 :friends:

[trout]

Love the "Twist" one Basil :laugh2::good:

[JeffH]

And before the McDuck jokes start......

implies that the McDuck jokes will start. I don't want to disappoint you Fulvio.

[ausjack]

:laugh2: what a crack up.. or should that be quack up

This is how I imagine McDuck spends most of his time :winkextra:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEmjiCoZ6e4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPX5mRSQ3pw

[Basil]

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.Mike asks if Mars has a stock-market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen."Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!""No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long."Well," she says, "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow...""No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman."Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks "Well, was it any good?" "I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?""It was horrible," he replies. "All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.

[JeffH]

I said to my two-year-old son, "What noise does a cat make?"

"Miaow!"

"Good, and do you know what noise a dog makes?"

"Woof woof!"

"That's right! Now tell me what noise a cow makes?"

"David, if you even think about going out to that f#cking pub with your friends then you can forget about ever being let back in this house!"

That's my boy.