favourite sayings

[keldaw]

any body know any favourite sayings like :::
  happy birthday card wordings ..;;
 
 ( I was going to send you  $ 10 but I have already sealed up the envelope )

( I bought you a scratchit for your birthday, sorry but you didn,t win anything . )

[Australian coin]

haha love the second one

[Nevol]

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

[keldaw]

very good nancy , that,s the spirit , keep it up that
, is also a good one
                                           ,, kel ,,

[robbiegal]

you're not over the hill yet

but getting high enough for nose bleeds



I did get a birthday card like that once - it had a cartoon of a goat on a mountain!

[JeffH]

30 days has September
April, June and No Wonder
All the rest eat peanut butter
Save my grandmother
Who rides a bicycle!

My father taught me that when I was a toddler. I think it is attributable to Spike Milligan but it could equally well be Edward Lear or Samuel Clements (Mark Twain) who were both partial to a little nonsense verse.

I have some good (proper) limericks too. But, most limericks are, at least, indecent and, at best, downright obscene.
I will try and think if I can recall a few that can be posted here later without getting me into trouble.

Jeff

[keldaw]

ladies quick ,  ,, cover your ears  ,,

[JeffH]

Limerick rhyming scheme is A, A B, B, A. First, second and last lines usually longer and third and fourth lines short.
The first line is usually something like this "There was a (adjective, person) from (place)" and second line starts "who..." but this is not invariable.

If it is not, at least, slightly dirty it is a ring in from a bowdler who thinks thinks he can impose his "holier than thou" view on the world.

Example;
There was a young man from Calcutta
(next line tomorrow)

Jeff

[Goldseeker]

"Whose brain was made of BUTTER">>>>>>>>>>..

[Nevol]

Who said to his wife, The bane of his life,
Your Mother's an absolute nutter!

[Triggersmob]

partial to a little nonsense verse.

My Dad use to like these too.
He taught me this one...

Early in the morning, in the middle of the night,
two dead soldiers got up, to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.

I think there is a lot more to this, but I never learned it.

OK just Googled it, and there seems to be a few different versions.
Here is one version..

 "One fine day in the middle of the night" (Journal Versions)

    One fine day in the middle of the night,
    Two dead boys* got up to fight, [*or men]
    Back to back they faced each other,
    Drew their swords and shot each other,

    One was blind and the other couldn't, see
    So they chose a dummy for a referee.
    A blind man went to see fair play,
    A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"

    A paralysed donkey passing by,
    Kicked the blind man in the eye,
    Knocked him through a nine inch wall,
    Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,

    A deaf policeman heard the noise,
    And came to arrest the two dead boys,
    If you don't believe this story’s true,
    Ask the blind man he saw it too!

[Pedro]

Only ever heard the first verse back in schooldays. I never realised there was more to it. Well there you go.

Pedro

[Robster]

On the rare occasions I used to attend the last lesson on a Friday afternoon my English teacher would look at me and exclaim....."Well strap me to the side of a Pig....and roll me in the Mud."

[keldaw]

who started this ??  we are in trouble now ..

 they are getting hard  , where,s A J ??

 A J  quick , come back and help us out ..     ,, kel ,,

[Goldseeker]

here's another oldie:-

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To fetch her poor doggy a bone.
When she got there
The cupboard was bare
So the doggy ......................(Censored).


Or this little ditty:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To get a pail of water
Jill the dill forget her pill
An now she has a daughter..............