The Laugh Thread

[Basil]

"I was watching the City to Surf Marathon and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting'."

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: You're on a roll today Basil! Eggselent!

[ausjack]

:laugh2: yeah a couple of beauties there Basil

Gee I don't know how I missed these :blink:

I think he really has been good this year.

:laugh2: LOVE IT Jeff, brilliant work mate :good:

well done Jeff ,

 very well presented .

 this will keep him good FOREVER

:scratch_one-s_head: Thanks Kel but do you really think so mate :angel:

Forever? Ain't gonna happen !

:blush2: I think you might be right Goose..but I wanna be good :winkextra:

[Basil]

[keldaw]

A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to  

   the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five  
 

   male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split  

   everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive  

   thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.

 

   The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got  up at 5 A.M., loaded the  

   pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove  

   the thirty miles.

 

   While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they  

   are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the  

   morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not."

 

   The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded  

   them into the family Station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This  

   continued each morning for more than a week .

   

   The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife,  

   "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in  

   the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of  

   them is honking the horn " .

[triplewitch]

A guy comes home from work in the middle of the day. His wife says, 'What are you doing here now? Why aren't you working?"
He says "I got fired."
She says 'Fired? Why? What happened?"
He says "I stuck my, uh, thing, in the pickle slicer."
She says "The pickle slicer? Why the ---- would you do that? What happened to the pickle slicer?"
He says "She got fired too."

[Basil]

Well done ,a couple of good ones.

[duggee27]

There is a knock on the Pearly gates. St. Peter looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A moment later there's another knock. St. Peter gets to the door and sees the same man. He opens his mouth to speak, but the man disappears again. " Hey, are you playing games with me? " St. Peter calls after him, a little frustrated. "No," the man's distant voice replies. " They're trying to resuscitate me."


Q: Why was astrology invented?
A: So that economics could be considered an accurate science.

and another

An elderly man was stopped by the police around two o'clock in the morning and was asked where he was going at that time of night. The man replied, " I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as playing poker and staying out late". The officer then asked. " Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replied, " That would be my wife".
found anothery

A man wakes up in hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in. " Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. " You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything. However , your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on. " You have $9000 insurance compensation coming, and we have the technology to build new penises. They work great, but don't come cheap. They cost $1000 an inch. " The man perks up. " So," the doctor says, " you must decide how many inches you want. Since you have been married for over 30 years, this is something you should discuss with your wife. " The man is enormously excited by the possibilities but agrees to talk to his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. " So, have you spoken with your wife? " " Yes I have, " said the man. " And has she helped you make a decision? " " Yes. " says the man. " What's your decision ? " asks the doctor. " We're getting granite bench tops. "

:laughingneqw::laughingneqw::laughingneqw::angel::angel:

[duggee27]

and there's more

A chap turns up for work with both ears bandaged. His boss asks: " What happened to you?" Well," he says, " I was ironing and the phone rang and I accidentally answered the phone using the iron. " What about the other ear? " asks the boss. " They rang back."

Boy to mother: " I've got to stop studying." " Why is that?" asked the mother. " I heard on the news" said the boy, " that someone was shot by the mafia because he knew too much."

[autocoupler]

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen......Simon Fitzhenry and Henry Fitzsimons :blush::angel:

[Triggersmob]

No, but I heard about Micheal Fitzpatrick and Partick Fitzmichael.

[autocoupler]

No, but I heard about Micheal Fitzpatrick and Partick Fitzmichael.

:biggrin:

[Basil]

Jewish Sunbathers.
A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted beach near Tel Aviv.
She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "How are you today?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do you come here often?" she asked.
"First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago," he replied, and turned back to his book.
"I'm sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely," she countered. "Do you live around here?" she asked.
"Yes, I live over in Haifa," he answered, and again he resumed reading.
Desparately trying to find a topic of common interest, she blurted out, "Do you like pussy cats?"
With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.
When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, "How did you know that was what I wanted?"
The man replied, "How did you know my name was Katz?"






Psychopath Test

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is as it reads. No one I know has got it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.


Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?

[Give this some thought before you answer]



























Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to test if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.


If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you.


If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take you off my email list.

[Goose]

My logical answer was that her sister was "servicing" her husband.

[JeffH]

What was in the question to suggest any link between the meeting at the funeral and the murder of the sister. Read to me as if they were unrelated events.
In which case motive could have been any of a long list.

What was the name of the "famous American psychologist"? "This is not a trick question."