The Laugh Thread

[autocoupler]

Have heard some of those latter sayings, but didn't realise there are so many. Thanks for sharing, and will use the living brain doner quip tomorrow for sure ha ha

[ausjack]

Cannibalism

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu....

+ Tourist: $8.00

+Broiled Missionary: $10.00

+Fried Explorer: $12.50
Fricassee Liberal Politician or
Baked Green Politician or Grilled Labor Politician $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?"

The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."
I like the saying "sprogged on a hot sheet of iron in the sun and hatched"

[Pedro]

:laugh2:

Great lists & AJ's little gem.

Pedro

[ausjack]

Two women were sitting next to each other in a bar.

After a while, one looks at the other and says, 'I can't help but think,

From listening to you, that you're from Ireland .'

The other woman responds proudly, 'Yes, I sure am!'

The first one says, 'So am I! And whereabouts in Ireland are ya from?'

The other woman answers, 'I'm from Dublin , I am'

The first one responds, 'So, am I!! And what street did you live on in Dublin ?'

The other woman says, 'A lovely little area. It was in the west end. I lived

On Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'

The first one says, 'Faith, and it's a small world. So did I! So did I!

And what school did ya go to?'

The other woman answers, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary, of Course..'

The first one gets really excited and says, 'And so did I! Tell me,

What Year did you graduate?'

The other woman answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'

The first woman exclaims, 'The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can

Hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you

Believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!'

About this time, Michael walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Michael shaking his head and mutters,

'It's going to be a long night tonight.'

Michael asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian?'

Brian answers, 'The Murphy twins are pissed again'.

[JeffH]

Last time I heard that one the protagonists were male!

[ausjack]

Yeah some just keep going round and round :winkextra:

[Basil]

Good one,i haven't heard that since the 1970's,Brian Doyle at North Sydney(possibly Balmain?) Leagues.

[ausjack]

Is that the Brian Doyle from Brian Doyle and John Clarke, funny as that pair

[Basil]

Nah,AJ,different guy,he's a bit past it now but in his heyday was very funny,made is name in Oz. on the Tonite Shows & the Leagues Club circuit here in NSW.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oIh0fbYfoo

[ausjack]

:laugh2: :laugh2: :laugh2: thanks Basil, yeah he's pretty good :good:

[Unicorn]

And in racing yesterday ..........

[Basil]

HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said,
'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

'Can you give us an example?'

'Thou shall not kill.'
'Not kill? We're not interested..'


So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
'Honour thy Father and Mother.'

'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
We're not interested.'


Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
'I have Commandments.'

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'

'Not steal? We're not interested.'

Then He went to the French and said,
'I have Commandments.'

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
'I have Commandments..'

'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

'They're free.'

'We'll take 10.'



There. That, should piss off just about everybody.....

[Goose]

I found it quite amusing....thanks, it put a little smile on my face.

[duggee27]

i'm with the ol' girl on the right ..:laughingneqw:

[Goose]

Also, no embalming needed.