The Laugh Thread

[Goldseeker]

naughty but a goodie.........!

[Basil]

MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right,
there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.

10 If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there  first.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

14 . God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people, who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[Nevol]

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
Later that same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba

[Goldseeker]

Wifey is rolling about the floor over that one..........

[trout]

I LOVE #7 :laugh2:

[Coiny Chris]

Hello,

Some good gags here, but if you Copy them from a US site, PLEASE change it to Australian. I don't want to be a part of the 51'st state.

[triplewitch]

That's funny.  I do the opposite.  I copy from here and change them to  US American where I can.  I might be changing some of them back.  Maybe some things are getting lost in the translations.

[trout]

:wavemulticolor:

Hello,

Some good gags here, but if you Copy them from a US site, PLEASE change it to Australian. I don't want to be a part of the 51'st state.

Relax Mate, Humour is "Borderless" :ok:

[Coiny Chris]

Hello,

I often see Jokes where people say something happened to them, but as soon as I see the wording I know they copied it and were too lazy to change the wording / spelling. As you would gather, I find it annoying.

[Unicorn]

In the news today just for you Chris ....

http://www.news.com.au/technology/science/australian-readers-digest-chief-sub-editor-donyale-harrison-on-why-you-cant-spell/story-fn5fsgyc-1227133754884

[keldaw]

A ninety year old aboriginal elder sat in his humpy eyeing two
    government 'Welfare' officials sent to interview him.

    One official said to him: "You have observed the white man for 90
    years. You have seen his wars and his technological advances.

    You have seen his progress and the damage he has done."

    The elder nodded in agreement.

    The official continued: "Considering all these events, in your
    opinion, where did the whitefella go wrong?"

    The elder stared at the two government officials for over a minute
    and then he calmly replied:

    "When whitefella found the land, blackfellas were running it.
    No taxes,
    No debt,
    Plenty kangaroo,
    Plenty fish,
    Women did all the work,
    Medicine man free,
    Aboriginal man spent all day hunting and fishing,
    All night having sex."

    Then the elder leaned back and smiled:

"Only whitefella bloody stupid enough to think he could improve a system like that."

[Pedro]

Classic Kel! :laughingneqw:

Pedro

[Nevol]

Things to do @ Kmart or Supermarket while the 'better half' is taking his/her sweet time:

1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a RAP Music station, then turn them all off and turn them up to full volume.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layby.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping section; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bedding.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
11. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G. I. Joe's vs. the X-Men.
13. Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restroom.
14. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
15. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
16. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "pick me! pick me!!"
17. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

[Goldseeker]

What is this world coming too I wonder?

Remind me NOT to escort you shopping, EVER!

[Coiny Chris]

Hello,

The list above was a joke doing the rounds a while ago on a Kmart letterhead, it was telling a Woman why her husband was banned. I think the Cat food has replaced Condoms in the list here.