The Laugh Thread

[ausjack]

couple of good one's there team :good:



            Students in an advanced Biology class were taking
            their mid-term exam. The last question was,

            'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.'

            The question was worth 70 points or none at all.

            One student, in particular, was hard put to think
            of seven advantages However, he wrote:

            1) It is perfect formula for the child.
            2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
            3) It is always the right temperature.
             4) It is inexpensive.
            5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
            6) It is always available as needed.
                                     

            And then the student was stuck.

            Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang

            indicating the end of the test, he wrote:

             7 ) It comes in two attractive containers and is
            high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.

                                     He got an A.
On average, an Australian man will have sex two to three times a week, where as a Japanese will have sex only one or two times a year.

This is upsetting news, as I had no idea I was Japanese.

[autocoupler]

Like it AJ. So when we hear the wife singing to herself "I'm turning Japanese I'm turning Japanese I really think so," it's not just about the first tune she heard on the radio that morning huh!:kez_11:

[Unicorn]

Jim was listening to the radio this morning when the host invited callers to reveal the nicknames they had for their wives.

The best call was from a brave chap who called his wife,

 "Harvey Norman".

The host asked him why that name?

He replied,

 "Absolutely no interest for 36 months."

[Pedro]

You guys are on fire :laughingneqw:

Pedro

[autocoupler]

Talking about things you hear on the radio, many years ago I heard a DJ giving an intro to the news. He said it was approaching eight 0'clock, so if you're in the Navy it's 8 bells, if you're in the army it's 0800, but if you're the BOYS IN BLUE, the little hand is on the 8 and the big hand is on the 12. True story Gord bless em :angel:

[JeffH]

Q. What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here."
The rope walks outside, ties himself in the middle, brushes out the strands at the bottom and heads back into the bar and goes to order a drink again.
The bartender gives him the once over and says, "Aren't you the rope I just threw out of here?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

A.The same middle name!
At the pub written on the condom machine in the men's toilet
"Insert baby for refund"
Q. How many dadaists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A. To get to the other side.
Clue -
Dada n.
A European artistic and literary movement (1916-1923) that flouted conventional aesthetic and cultural values by producing works marked by nonsense, travesty, and incongruity.
Dada·ism n.
Dada·ist adj. & n.
Dada·istic adj.

[keldaw]

there,s still some hope for you jeff .. ha ha ha  very good

 love the one of the rope and knot  , it amused me for hours ..

  ,, kel ,,

[robbiegal]

[Goldseeker]

The above, is that from experience or what?

If that is the case and your game enough, tell your missus to loose some weight................:blush::sleepy::swoon::shock::scared::grin::blackeye::icon_cry:

[Pedro]

I suspect that a black eye would be the least of your worries!

Pedro

[ausjack]

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.



Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.

 

An Englishman has started his own business in Afghanistan.  He is making land Mines that look like prayer mats.  Its doing well.  Prophets are going through the roof!!



Japanese scientists have created a camera with a shutter speed so fast, they can now photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

 

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room.  Dad reluctantly agrees.

Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'

:angel:

[Unicorn]

:laugh2: ...... most excellent AJ!

[ausjack]

If you were the first one to discover this hanging glacier,
what would you name it?

moderator edit: innapropriate material for this forum
             Me too!!!!

most of these emails come from old golf ladies..and to think this one was from someone 70+ so it's good to see some people can still have a laugh even at that age :laugh2:

[JeffH]

Sorry, I didn't catch what you said you called it. Was that "taco"

[triplewitch]

She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.
The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP.
Within minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. He got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?
He said, "Sure."
He walked over to the car and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, "Thank You God for sending me such a very nice man."
The man heard her little prayer and replied, "Lady, I am NOT a nice man.
I just got out of PRISON yesterday; I was in prison for car theft.
The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! You even sent me a Professional!"