The Laugh Thread

[purplepennyhunter]

Nice. Opens up a world of possibilities!!

[ausjack]

so do you know where the first add is PP :laugh2:

[ausjack]

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3 x 2?''

'What's the f...... Difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully..'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... Beautiful!''

Sorry if these offended anyone but they are the tamer one's

[ausjack]

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, so big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go!

[triplewitch]

A blond man shouts frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"

[ausjack]

[Basil]

[Unicorn]

Lol Basil!

The one below's for Robster in case he wants to bring the Kwaka into the living room.

[JeffH]

He was trying but didn't quite achieve a "Darwin Award"! Perhaps an honorable mention.
The Darwin Awards
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Darwin_Awards

[Nevol]

[keldaw]

he must be related to me nancy ..   ,, kel ,,

[purplepennyhunter]

Came across this story last night while trying to find the abc radio station. I  never even knew such a thing existed, pretty cool. Abc link

[Triggersmob]

That is so weird.

[ausjack]

very interesting PP, I know of a rose that is over 100 years old and has turned back to a green bud and the petals look like little leaves, very strange.

[Basil]

CHINESE SEX

 

While in China, an Australian man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.
A week after arriving back home in Melbourne, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes
to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor
says, "I've got bad news for you.  You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here in this country, we know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says,
"Well, give me a shot or something and
fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers, "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely
not! I want a second opinion!"
The doctor replies, "Well, it's
your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only option."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor in Little Bourke Street, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.  Vewy ware disease."

The guy says to the doctor, "Yeah, yeah,
I already know that, but what can we do? My local GP wants to cut off my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. "Stupid
local doctah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate!"

"Oh, thank God!" the man exclaims.

"Yes," says the Chinese doctor. "Wait two week. Fall
off by itself!"