Something to ponder

[Nevol]

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people
from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11... Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed,
tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so
the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on
those  little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

24. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?

25. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year,
why are there locks on the door, and for that matter why are there doors at all?

[stevo1962]

Very clever Nancy

[Goose]

Those were good for thought.....but, #8 -- A female piano player is called a pianist, a male piano player is call a pianer like a waitress and a waiter and mister and mistress. Then there is master and ..........
Those were good for thought.....but, #8 -- A female piano player is called a pianist, a male piano player is call a pianer like a waitress and a waiter and mister and mistress. Then there is master and ..........

[JeffH]

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

[Robster]

A great marriage starts with two 'hearts' and a 'diamond', some end with a 'club' and a 'spade'. :dodgy:

[Triggersmob]

"Things to ponder"
Now you're making my head hurt from all this thinking.

[Unicorn]

What an excellent day's pondering!!! Well done all, love them.

[Pedro]

I'm with Triggersmob - way too many questions! Anyway I thought the answer was always 42.

Pedro

[trout]

I'm with Triggersmob - way too many questions! Anyway I thought the answer was always 42.

Pedro

You are right on the money with that answer mate :good:

[Goldseeker]

I am still working them all out.   Being of Irish birth, I am a bit slow.......!

[trout]

I am still working them all out.   Being of Irish birth, I am a bit slow.......!

:angel:

 yes right :angel:

[Unicorn]

I often ponderosa the west side of Carson City and if Hop could Sing.
Yeeee Hah ...... go Hoss & Little Joe!!!
(Sorry it's late).
Edit: ........ and was the Lorne Green? .......... Edit Edit: and was the Cart right? .......
(I'm stopping now ....... promise).

[Fulvio]

(I'm stopping now ....... promise).

You better, or we'll award you an honorary "P".

PUNicorn. :diablo:

[Goldseeker]

I am still working them all out.   Being of Irish birth, I am a bit slow.......!

:angel:

 yes right :angel:

True, I was born at Hollywood Hospital, Belfast, Nth Ireland as my dad was posted there with the British Army.   Shortly after I was born, family went with dad to BAOR (Germany) and then Austria finally returning to the UK in 1952 and settled at Portsmouth.

[Nevol]

Lovemaking Tips For Senior Seniors

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 000 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7.. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act..

8. Make all the noise you want....the neighbours are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice